Quotes calendar

Bruce Schneier

Humans are intelligent, and that means we are more adaptable than animals. But we're also, generally speaking, lazy and stupid; and, like a lion or hyena, we will repeat tactics that work.

(For quotes about Bruce Schneier, see this link.)

Skip

Why do you need a mirror to floss?  Don't you have any sense of proprioception?

Cartman

I'm going to kill you.  But unfortunately I could only afford a Whiffle bat, so it's going to take a little while.

Anonymous

Scientists have known for years that TV is good for children.  It sharpens their passive staring skills, protects them from the sun's harmful rays, and gives them something to do while their parents are drinking.

Anonymous

We didn't really know him.  We just had him arrested.

-- Anonymous neighbor's comment upon the death of the neighborhood nudist

V.S. Varadarajan

There is a big gap between what is needed to go through the quals and what is needed to start doing research. The only way to bridge this gap is to attend advanced seminars and lectures.

Mrs. Ozzy Osbourne

Use a tickling stick; it's a bloody antique!

[Apparently "tickling stick" means a duster.]

Anonymous

It's as English as an oven glove with cats on it.

Anonymous

No man should own herbal laxative.  If you can't get it done with coffee and cigarettes, then you don't deserve to be in the bathroom.

David Duchovny

My big invention idea was the vomint. The vomint. Like when you belch and get a little throw-up? You need a mint for that ... Our world is so over-compartmentalized, I think we need a mint for that specific case.