Quotes calendar

Matthew Baldwin

Giuliani eats power for breakfast and shits crazy in the afternoon.

Kathy Jones

An adventure isn't fun until it's over.  If at all.

-- From the novel Tree of Smoke by Denis Johnson

The Chicago Manual of Style website

I'm not sure you should annoy the person who provides the enchiladas. 

-- Their official advice regarding correcting an ungrammatical cafeteria sign

Anonymous

I ain't been to school, but I got an education, and I am going to bake me a pie, goodbye.

-- As reported by Creative Loafing, quoting from an Atlanta police report

From the October 1952 issue

… Females are almost invariably employed in their own homes under the eyes of their parents and friends, and they can thus obtain a livelihood without endangering their morals.

Stephen Colbert

America is a nation divided: Democrats versus Republicans, Jews versus mops...

Representative Carrie Meek, D-FL

Voting in Dade County is a lot like going to a casino.  You hope it will work out, but you know it's beyond your control.

Eric B.

That's why I married her.   Because she could take a punch.

Will Shipley

I mean, you literally could put an African Grey parrot in charge of NBC and it'd make better decisions. (For one, there'd be a lot more shows about pirates, which would be awesome.)

Jon Stewart

I was already getting my ass kicked enough for being short; I didn't need to wear spats too.

-- explaining why he didn't join marching band