Quotes calendar

Randall Munroe

This place has fewer distractions than a Swiss patent office.

Mario Puzo

In Sicily when I was growing up everybody wore a funny hat.  Who knows why?  Who cares?  I wore funny hats, too.  Maybe it runs in the family.

--- from The Last Don

Flann O'Brian

Before me, almost blocking out the night, was an enormous policeman.  He looked a policeman from his great size...

-- from The Third Policeman

Mark Leyner

Mrs. Kazanjian said that of all the seventh-grade final projects linking postmortem ontogeny, Entertainment Weekly, and stellar evolution, mine was one of the best she'd ever seen.

-- from the novel Tetherballs of Bougaineville

Zippy the Pinhead

Who is to say which is the mask and which is the thing in itself?

--- asking a deep question about Halloween costumes

Apu

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to ask himself, `Who is going to float my corpse down the Ganges?'

Homer Simpson

Just give me some ice cream.  And how about one that's not touching your ass.

Kumar Patel

First thing you should do when you get to America is buy yourself a device called a TiVo.  Freedom means nothing if you’re a slave to regular television, I promise you that.

Bobby Briggs

Doc Hayward said you needed familiar stimulants, so we figured, what the hell, kazoos.

--- from the show Twin Peaks

Tim Parks

... as if love, obsession, whatever, were things that could be managed and manipulated and made to serve an overall strategy rather than simply things that happen to you and that you will never never understand, like being born and dying.

-- from the novel Europa